- When actor Brian Denton awoke Saturday morning not to the sound of his alarm clock, but to the constant chirping of new e-mails and Tweets flooding his phone. He picked it up, drug it over to his face since his contacts weren't in, and read his own obituary on CNN. It was disconcerting to learn that he had supposedly died in the night. Even worse was the fact that the news could find no worthwhile accomplishments to mention outside of the moderate success of his films.
- CNN apologized for the error. Something about a file copy of his eventual obituary accidentally being posted by an untrained assistant. At least it had people talking about him again throughout the weekend. But the damage had been done. Brian was a failure, no matter how much money he made in the movies. And he had made a lot of money.
- On Monday, he called his third ex-wife to ask for advice. She told him to get back to work and cash in on his fame while he still had a chance. His second ex-wife told him that she did a little dance when she heard he was dead and was not happy to hear him alive on the phone now. His first ex-wife, though, took him seriously and told him that charity work was the only way to redeem himself. She also told him never to call her again.
- He thought about African charities, but everyone was working Africa now. You can't through a stone anywhere in the continent without hitting a concerned rich, white person. And he wasn't about to do anything with the poor or homeless in the United States. They would want to take pictures of him helping out and those people are dirty.
- Finally he settled on fighting breast cancer. There was a charity he could get behind. Money would go toward people who actually deserved help. And best of all, what better way to meet needy women than through a charity for needy women, right?
© 2010 Marty Runyon. All rights reserved.
- As befits this Christmastime,
I feel the urge to write in rhyme.
So I'd best think of something fast,
Before this need has come and passed.
- To players wearing hats tinfoil
who's rantings cause my blood to boil,
I wish for you serenity
'Cause hemorrhages don't come free.
- For the bloggers who fight and fight
Sure their opinions must be right,
Humility would be what fits
Though arguing will grant more hits.
- For game designers old and new
I send to you a frosty brew.
After reading your message board,
I'd so get drunk out of my gourd.
- Game reviewers, oh so jaded,
who's love of games has abated,
I hope this seas'n returns the joy
Like when you were a girl-slash-boy.
- And finally to my readers few
Who came with hopes of blog posts new,
I take to heart your fervent plea
To ne'er again write poetry.
- When we lived in Seattle, she worked for a large high-tech company and I worked in a record store. There were real vinyl records there, though most people came in for the CDs. That's how we met. She said that even though she works with technology all day, she thought music was better before it went digital. I might have professed my love for her right there, but I didn't want to come across as that creepy guy.
- We stayed in Seattle for two years until she got a better job opportunity in San Jose. None of the music shops were hiring, so I ended up at the gym where she works out. It was nice to have her around while I worked, though she had to stop working out in the evenings after a few months. I think her boss was keeping her late with too much work, so that was disappointing. He was pretty rude when I told him stop pushing her so hard. Lucky for him I kept my temper or he would have spent longer than a week in the hospital.
- San Jose only lasted about 15 months. I don't think California was right for us anyway. We ended up in Boise next. I don't really know why she chose there. We didn't stay long either. I had only just started at the Cheesecake Factory when it was time to move again. Not that I minded; those cheesecake eating jerks didn't tip for crap.
- There was a pretty big mix up after that. She forgot to tell me we were moving to Minneapolis, so it took me five months to find her again. I went to her apartment to let her know I finally got here, but things got a little heated. I felt pretty bad about it and tried to apologize about her windshield, but some moron called the cops and I didn't get a chance.
- Now that we're in Cleveland, I'm trying to give her some space. I know I rushed things, so taking it slower can't be bad. I still think we have a connection, so I'm not willing to give up on us yet. She has a very nice apartment and a new job. I think she's happy here. I think we'll be happy here. As long as that neighbor of hers keeps his hands to himself. Otherwise I'll kick his teeth in.
- Dorothy: "This is so terrible. So many innocent children just gone. My husband and I drove three hours to be here. We don't have any children in school anymore, but it felt like we should be a part of this. It's just so terrible."
- Terry: "You know who the real villain here is? George Bush. Bush and Cheney and Karl Rove and all those gun-loving, NRA card-carrying rednecks who would rather that everyone had a gun than made sure something like this could never happen again."
- Diana: "Please, can you just leave me alone? Please?"
- Cassandra: "That coulda been me in there. My psych class is on the same floor, 'cept on a different day. Too bad he didn' try on Tuesday. I've carried this handgun since I was fifteen years old. I would have shot his ass dead."
- Jamie: "Yes, it's awful what happened inside. It's almost as big of a God-damned tragedy as what's going on out here. I didn't come down here to mourn for your cameras. I'm not going to cry to get on TV. And I'm not here to help you win your ratings timeslot for the night."
